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Apple’s New Secret Line of “I” Products

Just a little comical writing for those Apple haters and lovers alike on the “new secret line of I products”.

The I-lose
Yes, you own all the fancy new Apple toys. But you only use them to impress friends and strangers, fact is, you are probably too ignorant. So why not confirm it with the all new I-lose. Make a statement to the world that you do indeed… lose!

The I-Guess
Exactly like a “Magic 8-Ball” but is labeled with an Apple logo to show off. The I-Guess helps you make decisions of what to do. But be warned, Apple will say “yes” to all your Apple related purchases, and “no” to their competitor purchases.

The I-Love-U
Does everyone hate you because of all the pointless expensive Apple products you own? Well, help is at hand with this device. It will talk to you in a positive attitude.

For example…

Apple loves you because of your Apple purchases! Especially if you own the new I-lose! You help us dominate market shares.

Yes… a positive spirit! But you may also note, it contains a sensor to check your credit rating. The higher your credit rating, the more it speaks to you (to persuade you to buy more)!

The I-Copy
Cannot afford an Apple product at all? Then buy this very cheap “made in China” junk with a counterfeit Apple logo on it. You can fool your friends! And even though it was intended to only last as long as it took you to walk out the shop, in reality it actually lasts longer than a real Apple product!

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